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Date: May 7, 2005
Location: Outback Queensland, Australia
Queensland's Outback, it could be argued, is no place to discover your deodorant is dodgy.
A missing nozzle became the vital clue in the Agatha Christie-type drama aboard
the Spirit of the Outback as it hurtled into the night towards Barcaldine.
 In
the dining carriage, an elderly female companion confessed she too, had pondered
the possibility of a deodorant dearth.
Such is the conversation aboard the rambling Queensland Rail journey which winds
from Brisbane through Rockhampton before taking
a sharp turn west towards the Outback.
Later, in the Club Car, the femme fatale scoffs at the notion of a post-dinner sherry, her thirsty lips whispering the phrase cupboard drinker in my ear.
Had she already discovered my first-class roomette, comfortable but certainly not generous by any stretch of the imagination.
Indeed the first-class sleepers have everything you need including toilets and handbasins which conveniently fold away, as well as plenty of thoughtfully placed hooks and racks for your clothing and luggage.
But it's strictly a party for one.
If you're travelling with a friend, the first-class twins have ample room, not that you spend that much time in your carriage anyway.
In the Tuckerbox Restaurant the meals are wholesome or honest (as a foodie friend would say) with such delights as rump steak and mushroom sauce and an apple crumble and custard chaser on the menu.
Movies are played inside throughout the day or you may simply choose to watch the gigantic cinema screen, which is Queensland's Outback, unfolding outside.
And 23 hours later, you arrive in Barcaldine,
birthplace of the Labor Party with the tree of knowledge at the train station
to prove it.
Barcaldine is the type of town where no one locks their houses, keys are left in cars and the historical museum doors open at 9am and close at 5pm - with no one to man it during the day.
Summer in the Central West is about Longreach Legends and Matilda Country.
It's a place where you dine at restaurants such as Barcaldine's 3Ls Restaurant of Liars, Larrikins and Legends before laying your head down at the adjacent Ironbark Inn Motel for the night.
Longreach larrikin Alan Smith, who owns and
operates Outback Aussie Tours, is only too happy to share his big back yard with
you.
A typical trip may start in Barcaldine with a visit to the Australian Workers Heritage Centre where you can grab a copy of the Good Manners Chart or visit a wall of Labor Party ghosts, past and present.
The tour will take you between Barcaldine
and Longreach where it's not unsual to see
drovers pushing hundreds of hungry cattle along the stock routes, rusted iron
signs advertising facials, or hotels promising 'beer colder than a mother-in-law's
kiss'.
A visit to the Longreach Pastoral College and you'll see where students learn to ride horses, brand cattle and shear sheep, fix engines, drive tractors and ride motorbikes as well as the all important business end of life on the land.
Next door, at the Longreach School of Distance Education, Alan in Grade Two, is having troubles getting his paper boat to float from hundreds of kilometres away.
Such are the challenges of the Queensland
Outback where the vast distances are matched by the huge hearts of its people.
Two hours up the road, Winton is home to the
Waltzing Matilda Centre, which boasts real coffee and all home made food including
such delicacies as wattleseed damper and honey mustard dressing.
It's also not unusual to stumble across Young Australian of the Year, Scott Hucknull, in the ancient Corfield and Fitzmaurice Building, explaining the discovery of Australia's largest dinosaur, Elliot.
At night, settle into the comfortable canvas seats at Winton's open-air theatre and if you're lucky, a bush poet or two might tell you a yarn for this is also Banjo Patterson country.
Or, for some alternative theatre, a spot on the balcony at the North
Gregory Hotel, it is rumoured, will deliver quite a show when the shearers
come into town and the beer is cold.
But it's the sunset at Rangelands Station scenic rift, and its vast open plains which makes you really realise you are in Queensland's Outback.
"There's just something about standing here that you can't explain, Alan Smith says. It just goes forever. If you can imagine the sun turning from red to pink and then the afterglow.
I love watching the transition in people which they come up here. I can really sense it.
Of course, if you are really thirsty for the Outback, Alan will also take you to colourful Carisbrooke Station, an award-winning sheep and cattle property which includes lookouts over Corys Range and the Three Sisters rock formation.
The Philott Family, who run Carisbrooke Station, are largely considered the pioneers of Outback tourism, no doubt inspired by their terracotta coloured country, light green spinanifex grass blades, yellow ochre gullies, silver gums and opal fields flecked with aqua.
Longreach Outback Travel Centre, run by Norm Salsbury, offers a great end to a dry and dusty day in the Outback aboard a Yellowbelly Sunset Cruise along the Thomson River, as well as a range of other excursions and tours.
Outback Factbox
Outback Aussie Tours (owned and operated by Alan Smith) offers five-day Longreach Legends and Matilda Country tours during summer.
Places to stay at Barcaldine include the Ironbark Inn (with its 3Ls restaurant), the Shakespeare Hotel, or the Barcaldine Motel.
Barcaldine sites include the Tree of Knowledge and the Australian Workers Heritage Centre with its new Working Womens Display.
Places to stay at Longreach include the Longreach Motor Inn.
Longreach sites include the Longreach Pastoral College, Longreach School of the Air, Qantas Founders Outback Museum and the Australian Stockmans Hall of Fame
Places to stay at Winton include the Boulder Opal Motor Inn, the Matilda Motel or the North Gregory Hotel.
Winton sites include the Waltzing Matilda Centre (where you can have a real coffee), the Opal Walk, the Open-Air Theatre, and Lark Quarry Dinosaur Trackways.
Check out the sunset at Rangelands Station scenic rift or visit Carisbrooke Station for a real Outback feel.
Have a drink at the Wellshot Hotel at Ilfracombe and meet some Outback characters.
Take a Yellowbelly or Billabong cruise down the Thompson River from Longreach.
- By Christine Retschlag
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